feline foe...

admittedly, i've never been a cat person... i was raised in the company of those scruffy mongrels we call dogs... cats were space filler; delicate, furry pylons with beating hearts; independent-natured pets who seemingly strive to be the "owner", not the "owned"...

regardless of the fact that having a cat had never truly entered my pet-sphere, i did always find them cute and maybe even cuddly at times... as a little girl, i became enthralled with a barn cat once during a visit to a farm in michigan... with my hair rolled up in princess leia-esque buns, i sat in the sun stroking its soft fur and feeling a tiny purr vibrate through its entire being...

if a cat sidles up to me, i'll pay it some sweet attention and affection... but since the new year began, i'm convinced it's war: no more miss nice gal... it started with my mother's cat meowing uncontrollably while mother dearest was away... the pussy's piercing screeching even woke me in the middle of the night... then she proceeded to hiss in my face... yeah, not cute, with a side of frightening...

now, the shit hath hit the fan... while mindin' my business, morgan's roommate's pussycrap decided to pounce on my back... in jest? who the fuck knows?!?! but it ended in a scream, tears and her little black face being shoved in the hall closet... never trust a shifty-eyed black cat...

i attempted to make nice this morning by trading in my negative attitude for a snuggle in bed with the furry mess... alas, she bit my hand once i awoke, ripped around the apartment in a fury as i tried to calmly get ready, and -- here's the climax to my newfound hatred -- chewed her way through my ipod headphones...

so there you have it... i've tried to be amicable, but it's over... i guess it was never meant to be... to be honest, i'm not sure what the heck those egyptians see in those little assholes... sure, dogs may slobber and smell funny, but nothing beats puppy love and their running dreams...

editor's note: ok, ok... before anyone who owns and loves a cat decides to comment, please take into consideration that this post is of the utmost accuracy and that you know you secretly wish you had the time and energy to own a dog instead...