a smell... a song... a moment... an object... when smelled/heard/experienced/seen each one can evoke a memory... sometimes it's a memory almost long forgotten and buried in the past... and then often times it feels like just yesterday when you relive it in your mind...
the other day i caught the scent of one of my first loves wafting in the air... that specific scent of his cologne, mixed with the aroma from his routine cigarette smoking habit... i remembered how we used to listen to music in his basement bedroom, which was covered with weird memorabilia, concert set lists and posters of musicians... we'd sleep in and forget about the outside, immersed in the darkness of his windowless abode...
and then on a regular basis -- when my ipod is set to shuffle -- i'm taken back to days when jobs and money were the least of my worries... i was more consumed with finding a way to get a four-pack of coolers for a party, or which relationship was coming or going in my life, whether it be friend or lover...
i was chatting with the one person in my life that likely knows the most about me the other day (rachel, you know who you are)... and for a second we got to talking about what we did, rather than what we are doing... imagining a life with that first boyfriend that you, or everyone you know, was sure you'd end up with... imagining if we'd stuck with our old way of thinking instead of reverting to the way we get by now... sometimes i think that i couldn't have planned my world to be any better than it stands right now... that i couldn't have dreamt up what it would feel like to be like this -- i was too busy thinking i would be a prima ballerina when the year 2000 dawned...
but, while i frequently neglect the spiritual thought of "everything happening for a reason", i can't help but feel like each and every move led me here... perhaps without the difficult relationships, the family strife, loss, gain, friends, enemies and geographical circumstances things wouldn't be as they are... maybe that's why most memories aren't so bad to reflect on after all...
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the saying may go that "actions speak louder than words," but in my opinion words actually shout decibels above any move one could make... so expressive, interpretive and intense... all you need to find is a method to your madness to avoid rambling nonsense...
