can't have my cake and eat it too...

i'm interested in someone... i enjoy spending time with him, he makes me happy and i think about him when he's not around... but it scares me... i'm still seeing other people without him knowing, which makes me feel awful... it's nothing to do with him, it's me... i want the comfort of a relationship with him... but i also want the joy and unpredictable feeling of being single... i don't want to be in something for the long haul now and i don't want to let go of something - rather someone - that could fit that mould later on when i'm ready for it...
frosh boy makes me feel great... and i often slip into the thought that i could have something with him and only him... hell, i've done that before; i think they're called real relationships... so why is this crazy notion of wondering what i'm missing messing it all up? is it wrong timing? the right guy for a great relationship came along when i'm not ready for a relationship... or is it simply my own indecisiveness making my life difficult?
at 21 years old i can't help but wonder about all that is out there... who is out there... maybe my past relationships - which i put so much time and effort into - have plagued me with the thought that if i get into another one of those now i'll be stuck... i'll put all of that same time and effort into something that will only be another page of my past... it's a depressing way to look at it i admit, but that's the rut i'm in... as much as i don't want to think about it and continue loving all that i am experiencing right now, breaking hearts is not on the agenda... and if i keep playing my cards this way i have a feeling that will be the only ending...

in the end, is it worth it to have everything and wavering on leaving the game with nothing, or have that one thing that makes you smile? problem is i can't get to the answer right now because i feel that one thing can't make me smile... selfishly, i want it all...