of course i haven't written in awhile... but leave it to a slight bout of insomnia due to matters of the heart and suddenly i'm full of words to type...
you know how people talk about "girl code" or "guy code"? those things you don't do to your friends because it's basically inherent that it will lead to hurt feelings, heated arguments and broken relationships? well... it appears as though i may be experiencing the wrath of a code breaker...
sure, who am i to say who can and cannot date... who am i to say what's right or what's wrong... but at the end of the day if something someone does moves me to tears, it means i'm hurt and thus deep down inside i can't shake the fact that i feel what has been done is unjust... sure, you can't hold on to a love forever... you can't dictate where they end up in the world and what sort of loves they'll have beyond you... but you can hope that those near and dear to you realize that perhaps those past loves of yours are not exactly for the taking, as many emotions will always remain wrapped up in what's left of what you had...
how can a friend -- who's shoulder you dip low for them to cry on -- turn around and ignore any, or perhaps all, of your emotions? i thought the saying was that there were "plenty of fish in the sea"? well, then why -- of all of these so-called fish -- did she believe that the one to set her sights on was one that once captured my heart and in many ways broke it into a million pieces only years ago?
the words "too close for comfort" come to mind to describe how it makes me feel... like someone who was thought to be a friend actually had no space in their heart for whatever you could be feeling... and furthermore, like it wasn't worth the friendship's love and respect to acknowledge the fact that choices were made...
this isn't high school anymore, where just about all of your girlfriends and you have likely had the same boyfriend at one time or another... he wasn't a "boyfriend" or a "guy i was dating"... he was a man i shared my life with, shared my love with, and who still -- and always will -- hold a place in my heart... to put it bluntly, he's considered to be someone who your true friends should consider to be out of bounds...
but i guess you only ever learn who your friends are the hard way...
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the saying may go that "actions speak louder than words," but in my opinion words actually shout decibels above any move one could make... so expressive, interpretive and intense... all you need to find is a method to your madness to avoid rambling nonsense...
