to be everywhere at once...

i just booked another flight -- this one with a familiar destination: toronto... i'm heading home for a couple of weeks to stand beside my best girl as she marries the love of her life... the man that has stood by her through thick and thin... the man who puts the incredible smile on her face each and every morning... the man that got down on one knee and told her he wouldn't go a day further without her...

rachel has been a constant in my life for so many years that we just round it off to since we were about three or so... for argument's sake we'll say 24 rounds of 365 days... we've loved each other to death; we've loathed each other and rekindled things through sappy notes folded in the perfect way to resemble some sort of origami masterpiece... we've talked endlessly about boyfriends, girlfriends, family and contemplated life on a daily basis with one another as a non-judging sounding board along the way...

she's been the sister i never had biologically... the other half that never has to walk down the aisle with me... my partner in crime and dealing with consequences... in some ways it's almost scary how much we know about each other...

i always knew i'd lose it when she got married... i knew i'd be a mess of emotions and borderline like a doting mother, so proud to see her little girl all grown up... she could barely disguise it in her face when she told me that she was engaged -- standing there in my father's kitchen, i think all she had to say was "so..." and toss me a smirk and i was tackling her with a hug... any man would be so lucky to have her as their love...

over the last few months though, things haven't been easy... they say distance makes the heart grow fonder, but in this case, it makes the maid of honour miss out on so much... there's nothing that i'm fond about with that circumstance... i'm not there for all of the planning; all of the festivities; the bridal showers with their embarrassment and lingerie; the bachelorette party filled with equal parts laughing and boozing... each moment an incredible send off as she sashays into life as a beautiful bride...

i feel less than for being so far away and not being there... the last thing i ever want to come of this is the impression that i don't care, because i do so very much... it actually feels like i'm missing a part of my own life...